i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She made me pour olive oil on her.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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