you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
