I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
