I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
