AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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