in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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