Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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