And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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