you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
