OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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