I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
