no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you never un-have a 4some
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
