The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
