I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
