my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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