maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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