Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
