All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Two words: blizzard sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
