im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
