Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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