hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
