man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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