"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
