dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
