just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i've created a new STD.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
