We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
