Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
