my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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