Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
