the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
