bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
