you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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