so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
