I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
