Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
