Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
