glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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