please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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