I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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