I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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