I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
