My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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