My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
