She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We're facebook friends in real life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
