Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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