I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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