what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
