I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
