Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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