I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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