yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
