tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
