What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
