My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
