her vagine was all disorganized.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
