just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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