why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
