It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i believe in u and ur pee
i out mim tonsoeep
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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