oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
