Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
