Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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