I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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