It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
