I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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